Hi mom, A Very Happy 78th Birthday to you up in heaven❣️ i’m sure ur celebrating with dad and dan..wish i could say the same for us down here..we are celebrating you of course, for being the most generously loving soul on earth or in heaven, but its quite difficult, since we wished for u to be healthy and happy down here with us for this bday celebration, yet ur not..i call for u with no response, i reach for u without feeling u reach back, i look for u thru my blinded eyes, i do not see u…i feel u in my heart, but thru selfishness, its not enough….54.5 years of loving u and knowing u and being blessed to have u as my mom, would not ever come close to the amount of time i longed and needed to spend with u here….52.5 years of living with u, i recognized myself in u, and v/v…(even siri on our phones would get us confused, lol)…your bful blue/gray eyes, ur soft skin, ur curls, ur voice, ur smile, ur contagious laughter, like gma’s…ur habits, and nicknames for us all, ur favorite sayings and expressions of love to us….u were always soo giving, soo helping to all who crossed your path..u believed in us, even when we failed u, and ourselves..u pieced me back together when i was so broken and shattered thru life's short-comings…u never doubted us with your endless and unwavering love and support, with ur belief-better things lie ahead.. u were my true lady-love of my life, my true bff, my ride or die, my heart, me employee, my MOM….ive had a very difficult life, but GOD made sure to bless me by allowing me to be your daughter! Everything good in me, everything positive about me, everything i am-is completely attributed to YOU….im pessimistic, while your forever seeing the glass is full, not just half-full, bc thats who you are…. I cannot imagine another day without u, let alone the rest of my life without u! I call and yell your name out loud in our house, praying ill hear u answer back-u do not! Ive been crying/whaling in heart-crushing emotional pain since u left us…will it ever stop?! People dont understand our extremely deep rship bc they havent lived with their parents for over 50years! We finished each others thoughts, and sentences, and laughed at the same jokes…we shared the same hurts and fears, and faced them together, hand in hand …
i dk how im expected to carry on without u, MOM…..i wished we would have had more wealth, that james and justin and i wouldve felt ok to slow-down working soo much to pay bills….we were too caught up in the rat-race, thinking were doing the right thing-work work n work-pay bills….we took for granted that all u and dad ever truly wanted was more quality time with us!…we shared a home and walls, yet never seen each other!…thats why u came out of retirement-to spend more time with me at work-and to help me navigate life ..im sorry it took me sooo long to figure that out-i apologize mom….please forgive me!!!! Nothing, i mean nothing, matters more than time spent together with our loved ones, and good health….priceless….i ask of u mom to please please please, watch over me, and us, and be with me, and us, and show yourself to me, and us, the way dad and dan and gracie and gma have! I need it to be soo clear cut, with no ironies, or coincidences behind it!!! Please allow me to feel your warmth and love inside of my heart and soul as i try to walk thru life, one step at a time….. right now i feel like im suffocating…idk if that will ever leave…im soooo sorry mom if i failed u in the end, in any kind of way-bc in hindsight-i feel all these rushing emotions that maybe somehow, i shouldve done things differently for u!!!! But one thing im extremely proud of-i kept my word to u, to take care of u, to love u, to help u, and to be there for u when u passed-and to let you die IN YOUR HOME, in YOUR BEDROOM , surrounded by your family!!!!! I was blessed with 59 days to accomplish this…It was not easy, it was not pretty, it crushed my soul, and it was the hardest thing in my lifetime ive ever done-but WE DID IT MOM… i kept my promise to YOU ❣️🙏🏻❣️🙏🏻❣️🙏🏻 …in closing-please ask GOD to forgive me, u know for what…….i wish for, and long to see you and be with you again someday, and my whole family , as im the last man standing down here now…ill try my best to carry on in life the way u and dad have taught me to, but without any guarantee….goodnight mom, i love u mom, i love u more, yes-ill beam u up scottie, My love for u mom is eternal and endless-love your gratitude-filled daughter-Christine, Chris, Teen, Tina….”I LOVE YOU D”❣️❣️…..PS-ill see u on the other side-“If The Good Lord’s A Willing, And The Creek Don’t Rise”💞🌷💞🌷💞🌷💞🌷💞🌷💞🌷💞🌷💞🌷💞🙏🏻